Writing Portfolio

Publication:
Little Old Lady Comedy

Little Old Lady

A Letter From Your Unused Headphones

Remember me? I am your headphones. I was a present from your mother on Christmas to you.

Little Old Lady Comedy

A Response To A Job Application From A Man Formerly Stranded On A Desert Island For 15 Years

Despite being Supreme Dictator of the Island Nation of Cook—however impressive that may sound— we can not see how these daily tasks have made you equipped to meet the day to day tasks of an Administrative Specialist.

Little Old Lady Comedy

The Rock In Your Left Shoe Declares Squatter’s Rights

I am a rock in your left shoe and am requesting squatter’s rights. I understand you’ve been through a lot recently what with the piece of lint in your pants ousting you of your trousers. But I have every right to request ownership of your left shoe.

Little Old Lady Comedy

An Interview With The Devil About Inventing Monday Mornings

This brief interview with the Devil about inventing Monday mornings originally aired on WKMI’s local radio station in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Contrary to news reports, no reporters were harmed during the making of this broadcast, only during the editing—and even then, it only meant someone needed to be exorcised…

Little Old Lady Comedy

The Patent Office Rejects Your Proposal For A Device That Prevents Dropping Your Phone On Your Face While Laying Down With A Detachable Nuclear Reactor

We have consulted local law enforcement to investigate and ensure that you are not using a thermal nuclear reactor in such a dangerous fashion. Thermal nuclear reactors should only be used as plot devices in Fast and the Furious films.

Publication:
Point In Case

Point In Case

An Interview with Death, Winner of the Latest Season of "The Great British Baking Show"

The following is a shortened transcript of a conversation with our reporter and Death after Death’s victorious win on The Great British Baking Show.

Point In Case

List: Awkward and Uncomfortable Interactions from the Bible

God explaining to humanity he’s really sorry about everything and wished he’d stuck with the dinosaurs because they were much more fun to be around and not such downers.

Point In Case

Romeo and Juliet Respond to an Apartment Listing

We can’t imagine living without a courtyard with ample space for family feuds or murderous overtures.

Publication:
Funny-Ish.com

Funny-Ish

Please Make Sure You Reserve Your Seat At Our Restaurant A Decade Before Our Opening Weekend If You Want A Seat Next Year

We appreciate you trying to make it. Might we suggest a fast-food restaurant next door? Oh, they’re booked too. Yes, well we own them as well. If you’d like, we might be able to squeeze you in, but you’ll have to wait at the bar for… 6 to 7 hours… Just a heads up, we close in 5 hours.

Publication:
The Daily Drunk

The Daily Drunk

To Sum Up, Tiger King—A Piece of Work

To sum up, Tiger King—a piece of work, Locking up tigers, lions with a smirk…